...indeedy

Haha! See! Told you I'd be back! You miss me? No, of course you didn't. I'll stop being silly. It's only been OVER A MONTH D:

Wow, so much for starting a habit of blog writing, right? Pah.

So. University life. As I mentioned last time, this semester will indeed be packed. And, it is certainly beginning to pack. Essays due in a month. Performances upcoming. Auditions for next year's TA performances. Roles in 2 Drama Society plays. Busy indeed. But, there is a severe problem there. I don't seem to be doing any of it. Well, some of it. But, honestly, not enough to really qualify being 'busy' as such. It's not as if I haven't read scripts or missed Drama Society rehearsals, no, that's all totally on track and brilliant. But the stuff where it should count, like the essays, the reading, referencing etc, just does not seem to be happening. Am I broken? Am I that bad a student that I've fought all this way to get this far to sit here and not do it? I know I'm not helping myself by not doing anything about it, but even when I do buckle down and get on with work, at the end of the day I always feel as though I've achieved sweet FA. FUCKSAKE.

I haven't been sleeping at all well recently, either. Cannot seem to pinpoint the reason behind that. Bah.

I think I need an adventure. That must be it. I haven't had an adventure for such a long time. I know I'm a university student and that the 'done thing' is to get wasted at any convenient time or to party hard and all that malarkey. That really can't be done this year. Not right now anyway; budget constraints, bills, arsehole neighbours (they whinge about laughter and such. It seems they are just complaining for the sake of complaining. Cunts)

Aside from all that, all is going hunky-dory. House is great, Uni is great, friends and housemates are great. Everything's great.

Still, I sit here typing thinking; blimey, hasn't 2010 gone quickly? It seems only last week that it was January 1st. It's been a bit of a slog of a year indeedy, but I don't regret a single second of it. Not one.

So, it's Christmas soon. So you shouldn't be reading this; you should be out there spending lavish amounts of money that you can't afford for people you love. Oh, and me of course. Just get me a scarf. I do love scarves. Still, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without the presents, really would it? Admittedly, I am way past the caring about getting presents thing. Not that I object to it. Even if it is a bore watching baby brothers/ cousins tear open present after present ungraciously. But for me Christmas is about the people, the turkey, the warmth and the telly. I have a few musts for Christmas this year; 1) Must be hungover Christmas day (never have been, for shame!) 2) Must be at my Nan Ed's Boxing Day for Bubble and Squeak (it is SO darn tasty) 3) Must watch Doctor Who and Eastenders. Standard then, really. And it's all only 34 days away at the time of writing. That'll be the end of ANOTHER semester already. Fuck, where does the time go? That means that me and all my 2nd year pals at St Mary's will be half way through our degrees. Shit son.

Oh, and did anyone see the HD remaster of Back To The Future in October? No- shame on you. Yes- brilliant, you're a star. Best film trilogy ever.

So, thanks for reading (if you did) and I will leave you with this...

'DOC! Are you telling me it's 8.25?!'
'Precisely!'
'Damn...I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL!!'

Genius.



Night!
x

Back from the dead...

Well, not 'the dead' as such. Just busy nothings.

Right. So. Yes. I'm back. I think. At least I think I am.

I realise that this is my first post in quite while, and it's also the first post outside of the '30 day' thing. I'll be updating this just as infrequently as the last one, so don't hold your breath, people, or you'll die of suffocation.

So, I suppose I'd better fill you in on all the crap I've been doing since I last posted.

Well, I'm all moved back to Twickenham now, living in a house about 25 minutes away from the Uni (I realise that if you have no idea where the Uni is, you'll have no idea how far away my house is, but I thought I'd give you a bit of context anyway) and am living with 3 of my mates, Woosie, Martin and Greg. Legends in their own right. Even if Woosie's room is a complete tip (sorry mate, lol) Loving it, though. It's fantastic. Except for the bit where we have to pay bills or rent. That bit's shit. Cooking for ourselves is great fun, too. I know the typical perception of student cuisine is 'beans on toast' or 'microwave noodles' or the timeless 'takeaway' but so far, we've been pretty darn nifty in the kitchen. Spaghetti bolognese, fish fingers and mash, steak dinners, carbonara or even just a baked potato; I think we've done pretty good. Who needs the ref, eh? ;D

Year 2 Drama is shaping up nicely. Some of the classes have been very physically challenging thus far (I'm looking at you, Paul Woodward) and I'm completely loving it. We've 'performed' the Othello Rap with Patsy, and watched Etré et Avoir in Mark's classes. So far so good. It all looks very daunting from this side of Christmas, but I'm sure it will be a brilliant semester, even if it might be a bit of a slog. But hey, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs, right?

Reading! So much reading to do! Like, seriously. Mahoosive amounts. Didn't quite manage to read everything off the summer reading list, but I managed to read a few of the main ones off. My bookshelf is very full this year. And they all relate to my course, too. Except the Doctor Who or Jeremy Clarkson ones. They're just to nurture my inner geek :D

I can say enough how brilliant it is to back and busy again. Even if I do miss a 4-month summer, waking up at stupid-o-clock and just chilling back at festivals or down a pub, It's good to have a sense of direction again. Totally didn't have one over the summer. Well, very little of one.

Oh, and I've finally buckled; I got an iPhone 4. Yes, it's hypocritical and it's ironic. I do have my gripe with Apple, and definitely still have it, but, for me the iPhone was the lesser of 3 evils. My decisions was between either an iPhone, a HTC or a Blackberry. Blackberry; too fiddly for my liking. HTC; good, wide support and functionality, but found that unless I fancied paying about £50 pm, I wasn't going to get a properly decent handset and the touchscreen is sometimes sluggish and some were no where near as precise as the iPhone's. iPhone, however, unless jailbroken, is grabbed by the nuts constantly by Apple. Their DRM policies are ridiculous. Ringtones are stupidly difficult to set. iAd is the worst thing to come out of Apple since the Magic Mouse. And there's the supposed aerial trouble: unfortunately, my handset isn't affected by it. Aww shucks, I was looking forward to complaining to Apple about that. Ah well. All in all, these are a few prices to pay for such a functional, solid, high quality device. Even if I have sold out my morals a bit, lol. So there.

So, there you are, people. That's what's been happening in a nutshell. Sorry if you thought it was drab or bored you. If you do, I advise you to kindly fuck off.

Cheers then!

x

Day Twenty-Eight: What if you got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Why hello there people of the internettings! As promised I am back. Sorry. It's been quite a while hasn't it? Hmmmm. Yes. Far too long for even my liking. So, right. Here we are. My (second) triumphant return. And what a question to start with, eh?

Hmm. Well, it depends on the circumstances. I mean, if it was to happen tomorrow, I'd obviously have to make quite a hasty decision. But in the situation I am in now, if I did become a father at this point, it would be so so hard to juggle that as well as Uni life. Hmm. See, the rationality inside me says 'get rid of it', but the emotional part of me says 'keep it'. I mean, sure I'd want to keep it, but it's just really not logical, feasible or rational for me right now. And I wouldn't want the little bugger to grow up with a single parent; I'd want to be there for the kid and the mother. So. Yeah. That's what would happen.

So, I guess I'd better make excuses as to why I haven't posted on this in the last month or so. Basically, it boils down to; I just couldn't be arsed. Sounds bad, I know, but that's more or less what it boils down to. Stuff going on. People to see. Books to read. Films to watch. Games to play. Y'know. Usual gubbins.

x

Day Twenty-Seven: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Well, me, really. :D

I guess I've got a lot going for me right now. My amazing friends, my fantastic family, the fact that I have another realistically cushy 2 years of Uni ahead of me, moving into a new house for Uni soon and just....me. I mean, sure there could be a lot more going for me right now, but as it stands it's all quite good. But it's not to say that things won't develop any time soon is it? :)

Who knows? I could run into a fortune next week. Or find the love of my life tomorrow. Or change someone's life right now. You never know...

Just take a look back through this blog to find it all out :)

x

Day Twenty-Six: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Um. Not going to lie. No. Simple as.

I've often been in self-destruct mode in places. Y'know, just saying fuck it, drinking too much, smoking too much and doing stupid shit, but never wanted to take my own life. The way I see it is that it's the easy option in a way. Sure, it must take a lot of pressure and stress to want to take your own life, but surely nothing in all of reality can ever really be that bad? I mean, yeah, sure, people who have done it must've thought it was the only option at the time, but the way I see it is that if you fight through it you'll come out the other end with just as a strong a resolve.

Sorry if that sounds insensitive to you, but that's just the way I see it.

Okay, I know I said yesterday that today's post was going to be better, and it's not that great is it, really?

Um....sorry...

Might add a bit to this later, but for the mean time, this will have to suffice.

:D

x

Day Twenty-Five: The reason you believe you are still alive today

Um....seriously? That's today's question?

Really?

Well, gah, um....well, I suppose because I haven't killed myself or been killed by someone (yet). I've eaten the right amount of nutrients to support my body from dying. I've breathed enough oxygen in to sustain a reasonable heart rate to keep my muscles alive and organs functioning. Nothing out of the ordinary, really.

Oh and. And. I'm not stupid enough to die from a drug/ alcohol induced comatose. No, siree. I'm smart like that. Apparently.

Well, this is a short post, isn't it?
Here's another humorous picture for you to revel in. Enjoy!

Tomorrow's will be better. Promise :)

x

Day Twenty-Four: Write a playlist to someone, explaining why you chose each track

Right, I'm not going to make a playlist to one specific person. That's just being mean. Instead, I' going to make a playlist about me, right now.

It's more or less going to be a list of my most listened to songs right now, so might give you a clue as to how I'm feeling at this point in time. You know you have to YouTube all of these once you're done. Go for it, you'll enjoy them all...


Why Can't This Be Love? - Van Halen
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Hey, Soul Sister - Train
Can't Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon
Carry On My Wayward Son - Kansas
Uprising - Muse
Here We Are Juggernaut - Coheed And Cambria
Master Of Puppets - Metallica
I'm Going Slightly Mad - Queen
This Will Never End - Blind Guardian
Crazy, Crazy Nights - Kiss
You Really Got Me - Van Halen
No One Gets Left Behind - Five Finger Death Punch
Through The Glass - Stone Sour
The Love - Sammy Hagar
Little Lies - Fleetwood Mac
Band On The Run - Wings
Raspberry Beret - Prince
Man In The Mirror - Michael Jackson
Training Montage - Vince DiCola
Crazt Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Dance Tonight - Paul McCartney
I've Done Everything For You - Sammy Hagar
Mr Night - Kenny Loggins
I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
Lavatory Love Machine - Edguy
Killer Queen - Queen
Sexy Little Thing - Chickenfoot
Mr Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra
Two Sides Of Love - Sammy Hagar
Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard
Misery - Maroon 5
Ever Present Past - Paul McCartney
Girls, Girls, Girls - Motley Crue
Kickstart My Heart - Motley Crue
Jump - Van Halen
Psychosocial - Slipknot
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
Panama - Van Halen
Beat It - Michael Jackson
5150 - Van Halen
Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Ritchie
Frantic - Metallica
The Final Countdown - Europe
Help! - The Beatles
Can't Stop Loving You - Van Halen
Superstition - Stevie Wonder
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Rock The Casbah - The Clash
Bother - Stone Sour
Bubbleman With Lyrics - Brentalfloss
Dreams - Van Halen
Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles
Heart's On Fire - John Cafferty
Number Of The Beast - Iron Maiden
All Night Long - Lionel Ritchie
Cabo Wabo - Van Halen
Red - Sammy Hagar
Death To All But Metal - Steel Panther
Du Hast - Rammstein
Calico Skies - Paul McCartney
La Grange - ZZ Top
Hard Day's Night - The Beatles
Feels So Good - Van Halen
Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey
Back In Black - AC/DC
This Afternoon - Nickelback
Feed My Frankenstein - Alice Cooper
Ticket To Ride - The Beatles
Thunderstruck - AC/DC
I'm Alright- Kenny Loggins
Beat Surrender - The Jam
Jet - Wings
Chop Suey! - System Of A Down
Aint Talkin' 'bout Love - Van Halen
Halo -Machine Head
I Want To Hold Your Hand - The Beatles
Gimme All Your Lovin - ZZ Top
Back Into You - Sammy Hagar
Mean Street - Van Halen
Ten Thousand Fists - Disturbed
Two Tickets To Paradise - Eddie Money
Devour - Shinedown
Living In America - James Brown
What's New, Pussycat? - Tom Jones

I think that's about it. Quite a list eh? Sure, the majority of the list are songs that many people would say should never have made it out of the 1980's, but these are my favourites right now. Don't dis, yeah? :D

They have all been listened to by me across the summer. I do love music, very much. It speaks to me and it means so much to me, as I'm sure it does to so many people out there in this world.

I hope that anyone reading this will take a few minutes to look some of these songs up to see why I appreciate them so much :)

Peace

x

[Will add tracks later if I think of any more...]

Day Twenty-Three: Something you wish you had done in your life

Right! John returns! Sorry to the few people actually reading this, I have been somewhat busy over the last week and a half or so. So. Yes. Here we are. My triumphant return.

Things I wish I had done. More or less the opposite of the last post, isn't it? Might as well continue that format.

I wish I had said yes more in my life
I wish I had more courage in believing in what I do
I wish I had more things go my way in the last week or so
I wish I could stop putting myself down
I wish I had travelled the world already and met a million people from a hundred countries
I wish I had been far more efficient
I wish I had taken what I want instead constantly equivocating and making things hard for myself
I wish I had more trust in the people around me earlier in our friendships
I wish I had been to more gigs in the past
I wish I had done more to change my life earlier

But oh well. Can't have everything, can we? Maybe I should stop being so selfish about my life. I can't have it all my way. And I've come to accept that. I don't like it, but I've accepted it. I don't like not winning. I have in many, many ways in my life, but there are many things which I just can't seem to win. And that's so shit.

Anyway, on a less depressing side, I'd like to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who had read this. Even everyone who hasn't read this. Thank you. Thank you for enriching my life in so many ways. Thanks for being there. Thanks for setting me up. Thanks for pushing me down. For helping me. For letting me help you. For being you.

Cheers :)

[Update]
Just found this. This is amazing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs&feature=player_embedded

Day Twenty-Two: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life

Ah, fuck another one of these kind of questions? Really? Ah, crikey. And right now, not going to lie, cannot be arsed to to go and find another philosophically challenging question on google. Fuck it, will just stick to this one...I'm not going to enjoy it though....

Something I wish I hadn't done. Fine. You asked. And so you shall receive.

I wish I hadn't wasted so much money on so much crap in my past.
I wish I had never discovered the brilliant, yet useless hobby that is video games.
I wish I hadn't made so many people cry for so many different reasons across my life (yeah, I can pretty much remember each time, ffs).
I wish I wouldn't get so easily emotionally attached to things/ people.
I wish I didn't waste so much of my life watching so much TV or on a PC.
I wish I wasn't so high-and-mighty smart sometimes.
I wish I hadn't moved around so many times during my childhood.
I wish I hadn't forgotten about so many people from my past.
I wish I hadn't ruined so many people's lives in the course of my life.
I wish I could have spent more time with my Grandad before he died.
I wish I had't said that one, tiny, stupid thing to some people.
I wish I could have said 'Yes' far more, far longer and started earlier.
I wish I hadn't been such a tormenting brother.
I wish I hadn't been such a shit son.
I wish I wasn't so damned pessimistic.
I wish I hadn't got involved in a lot of stuff.
I wish I could have had more things my way (not materialistically)
I wish I could stand up and say what I want, and then take it, instead of working myself up and forcing myself to needlessly fight for it.
In short, I wish I wasn't me.

But, I don't, you see? Everything that's happened, every moment, every pint, every pound, every tear has led to me being me, right here, right now. And without those moments, I would be nothing.

And I wouldn't trade any of it. Not a single second. Not for anything in the universe.

x

Day Twenty-One: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Blimey. Now that's a question. Hmmm. Quite a question indeed.

It's a harrowing subject matter, but the first thing I would do would be to get the hospital (assuming their still alive of course; the question doesn't elaborate on that part) and be there with them. That's the answer any right-minded best friend would give isn't it? Kind of an obvious answer, really. Even the shittiest minded person would do the same. It's the right thing to do, no matter what the fight was about.

Mind you, thinking about it; what was the fight about, and what did I do? I feel guilty now that I've had an imaginary fight with people. And what does it mean by 'fight'? A ruck in the street? Fisticuffs at dawn? A light flick of a glove and challenge to a duel? Or was it just a heated argument? Who knows, maybe, before said fight, there was a lasting rivalry of practical jokes between us and I took it one step too far and cut their brakes, thus causing said car crash....blimey, I think I just killed/ fatally wounded my imaginary best friend.

I don't like this game any more...should really cease cutting imaginary brake cables and unintentionally murdering imaginary best friends...yeah...that's extremely very not good for one's psyche...

So, what else can I write under this heading? Oh, I know, I had a very pleasant tweet from one of you lot yesterday, and really raised my spirits about this ole' thing. So, yeah, thanks :) Glad at least one person is genuinely enjoying this. I know the rest of you are only humouring me, so thanks for trying anyway ;)

Crikey though, day twenty-one already, eh? Gone so quickly. July has gone just like that. 2010 has gone just like that. It's quite hard to believe that we're nearing August already. Life just seems to fly by me nowadays. It's terrible. I don't use my time nearly as constructively enough as I should. And even if I do accomplish something in a day, I always feel as though I haven't at the end of it...bugger.

Night chaps :)

x

(You know what, just flitted through my blog and realised that I use way too many ellipsis...sorry)

Day Twenty: Your views on religion

(f you are of a somewhat religious disposition, please do not take what I am about to say to heart)

Haaahaahaaaaaaa! Wow. Um. Well, religion is a big no-no for me. Not the main ones anyway (unless you count being an avid Van Halen fan as religion).

I am a man of science; have been all my life. Even as a child in infant school I refused to accept that a 'God' created the world in 7 days and always refuted the accuracy of songs we sang during assembly in the morning. It doesn't make any sense to me that some infinite celestial being shaped this world, even this universe. Sure, people argue that's part of the mystery behind 'God', but I see it as an easy way out to explaining how existence came to be. I could rant for hours about this, but I promise I won't go all Richard Dawkins on your ass.

I find the idea of a 'God' quite feeble in the sense that people who follow his 'teachings' and idolise his 'beliefs' lack a sense of personal direction. Not in the sense that they have no idea what to do with their life, but the way in which religious nuts constantly refer to the bible/ Qur'an/ Torah/ whatever to find guidance in their life. Okay, maybe they genuinely need a direction. But finding direction in fairy tales is ridiculous. We were not put here by some divine form millions of years ago. We were but here by sheer chance; our planet's orbit, angle and the 'goldilocks zone' put us here. We were out here by the most impossible series of chance and coincidence. Natural selection put us here. In short, we were put here by science. Science has most of the answers, with irrefutable proof, to all the question in the universe. The bible provides sketchy, unsure musings that people can derive all sorts from. Nothing proved. Nada. Sorry. Show me how a deity can explain and prove how it created something as tiny as a leaf. Science can break it down, explain every atom right down to a molecular level. Sure, on one level is ruins the mystery, the illusion behind what a divine creator is. It's all part of human intellectual evolution. Sure, there are more and more agnostics and atheists nowadays, but that doesn't mean there are more and more bad people. Take me for example. I may be atheist, but I am (ha, so much for modesty, right?) kind, honest and accepting. I am a genuinely nice person; and I didn't need a 'god' or a holy text to tell me that. I'm not just another human. None of us are. We are all me. Or you. Or him, her, them, us. We are all individually different is so many beautifully intricate ways. Think for yourself. BE yourself. For the good of the universe :)

Science created this universe and science will destroy it.
'nuff said.

x

Day Nineteen: Your views on drugs and alcohol

My boundaries are blurred on both of these perspectives, from different points of view. Do read on...

Alcohol
Yep, go for it. Drink and be merry. Well, in moderation of course. Alcohol, admittedly, makes so much happen in your life and I really do feel sorry for those who refuse to touch alcohol before they've experienced the amazing and not to mention fun times that evolve from alcohol consumption. Sure, there is definitely a point where drinking crosses a line; I've seen people drink their livers our around me and I think, yeah, sure, you're having a good time, but on the other hand I think you're on self-destruct a little bit aren't you? Sure, drink to have fun, but don't always drink to have fun. That's just silly. Sure, there is most definitely times when I have regretted drinking and what has come from it, and I have definitely learned from my mistakes. I'm a little older and little wiser now. I hear stories from people's not-so-distant past and I tend to think; really? They really did that? Wow, what a sket. But she was drunk, so that makes it ok, right? Hmm. There are a lot of people who I hear are/ have constantly drinking/ drunk so much of their money, time and life away. And that's fine. It's really up to you how you spend your life, but...ahhh, I don't know. It's really not my place to determine, shape and guide people's lives; it's down to them. But the question is constantly begging to be asked; do you need to be drinking that much? Just sayin'......

Drugs
No. Don't. Just don't. Please. Sure, cannabis has a less deteriorating effect on your body than alcohol, and it is more 'natural', but seriously? You're going to do drugs? Honestly, when I hear stories about people that have had epic trips or hench munchies I just think; wow, that's a little bit pathetic. Sure there's the whole 'mellow out, man' factor about it. Then there's the 'fuck the man!' aspect of it. But, really? Do you really need to smoke/ inject/ take it to help your life advance in some way? Hmm....ok. Sure, I believe you. Some people do it every day of their lives. Some people rely on it far too much to exist happily without it. It affects the whole way that your body and mind works and, lets be honest, drugs are illegal for reason, yeah? Go figure.

Sure, if you've read this and thought; 'Wow, what an opinionated cunt' then good, my rant has worked. Think about that next time you put a needle in your arm or a pill in your mouth.

Day Eighteen: What do you want people to say about you after you are no longer living? What is your legacy?

Now this is a meaty question. Lovely. Mmm. Chewy.

Yes, legacy. Right. Well, I'm going to answer this question assuming I die tomorrow. I guess the legacy I leave will be...me. I really think I have had positive impacts on so many people, that I would honestly consider that my legacy. And I would hope that's what everyone else would think.

You people hold my legacy with you right now. You may not know it, but you really do. That's all I can really say on that. Maybe I haven't impacted the world as much as Winston Churchill or Charles Darwin, but I have impacted people and who there are. And that's that. I have said my piece on this world, and that is what shall carry on the winds of eternity.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

Very true, Albert. Very true.

x

(Ok, maybe not quite as meaty as one would have hoped...)

Day Seventeen: A book that you've read that has change your views on something

Ah. Yes. Now...this is a nice question isn't it?

Yes, there most certainly is a book, or in my case, books which have changed my views on something.

The first I would say is the brilliant part-novel part-diary Yes Man by Danny Wallace. Fantastic story. Compelling, inspirational and simply marvellous. Loved every syllable. Very well written. The film's brilliant too, but doesn't do as much as the book does (which if often the case with screen adaptations). Hang on. Sorry. Just turned this into a micro book review. Eeep. Anyway. Back to the subject matter. Right, so I read Yes Man and decided after reading it that if Mr Wallace can say yes to everything, why can't I? So, for a month, I said yes to everything I was posed with. Every tiny little thing, from 'John, can you work sunday?' to 'Next round's yours mate, yeah?'. Was a good month to say the least, and Wallace communicates his point with that book very well; all you need to do to change your life is say yes to everything, no questions asked. Go get it, now. It's such a worthwhile read and you never know....maybe you'll say yes, too.

Costs so little to buy a used book off of Amazon. So many ideas and tales for so little that will enrich you so, so much, every time. So start of with saying yes to this, yeah? ;)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Yes+Man&x=0&y=0&ih=4_2_0_1_0_0_0_0_0_1.72_49&fsc=-1

See? I've even saved you time by giving you the link. 1p for a book?! Sure there's £2.50 p&p usually, but that's amazing isn't it? So go on, change your life. All it takes is one little word....yes?

Saying all this links in with yesterday's question very nicely. After the month of nothing but yes's, I did say yes a lot more, it became a habit, almost. And it was brilliant. My life was so much fuller and brilliant and I had some fantastic times. Unfortunately, the yesness wore off after a while, but while it lasted, it was superb. Who knows, maybe the yes in me will return....

The second book would be The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. Not that it has changed the way I saw my life, or converted me to atheism, no (was an atheist beforehand). It enriched the way I saw the world. Reading through it, Dawkins punctuates his very vibrant love for the universe so, so well and I really appreciate the world around me a lot more now. Its evolved into such a beautiful thing it's wondrous. I would love to shake Mr Dawkins' hand to congratulate him on writing such an eye-opening book and for making me appreciate the universe so much more.

If there's any other books I think of, I will add them post haste!

Over and out

x

Day Sixteen: Version B: Have a seized enough opportunities?

Hahaa! Now, here's a question I can talk about!

Right, the short answer is.....yes, with an unhealthy scattering of no's.

It's terrible I know, but it's the complete honest truth. When I look back on all my life there are literally thousands of opportunities that I could have taken better advantage of. THOUSANDS. But, if I didn't take the specific route of decisions that I have taken, I may not be the brilliant, remarkable blogger that you're reading right now, would I?

I mean, I would have loved to have done lots differently, but I can't help but think I'd be a different me. I'd know different people, maybe have different aspirations and social circumstance. I wouldn't be the current version of me (still, if you subscribe to the mulitverse theory, there are billions of versions of billions of different universes shaped by different decisions made by everyone inside the universe. So I like to think that out there in the vast depths of reality, there are very different versions of me :) ).

So in one respect, yes, I do feel I have squeezed a lot of opportunity out of my life, but equally, no, I haven't. For example: have no job right now. No passport. No car. No real dispensable money. Have far too much free time I have no idea what to do with myself. I'm doing an acting degree; surely by default I should swamp myself in scripts, auditions and performances? Alas no. All this opportunity is yet to be seized....bugger

I said the other day to a friend 'Always keep moving. Forwards. Left. Down. Right. Up. Diagonally. 3rd dimensionally. Just don't move back'

I think there's something very philosophical in that.

Take care, y'all! :)

x

Day Sixteen: Someone or something you could definitely live without

What? Really? After all of this stuff about me not changing and all that lark I get this question?

Grr. Bloody hell.

There's nothing I would substitute in my life right now. Sure, I'd love to love rent free for the rest of my life, and I'd love a billion pounds in my bank account and I'd love to see Van Halen (RIGHT NOW!) but there's nothing in the world I would trade out of my life. I don't need to. It's not me. Not at all.

I feel this question is somewhat of a lame one, don't you? Hmm....

'I shall return....interfrastically...'

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Day Fifteen: Something or someone you can't live without, because you've tried living without it

Blimey, not the most philosophically challenging question, is it, really? I mean, there's going to be a whole lot of meaning in what I'm about to write, but it's no 'Share your views on the way that the hierarchy of religious sects function'. Mind you, I wouldn't like to answer that. That sounds boring.

Anyway, back to today's question. I think I'm going to give several answers for this.

Yes, and no. No in the sense that, I evidently can live without; because here I am, living and fully functioning without them. However, no, because I don't like being apart from them.

One person is my Grandad Mick. He died a week before Christmas last year. At this point in time, I have accepted that fact that he's gone. I don't like it, not one little bit, but I've accepted it. So, the weeks after Christmas last year were pretty damn hard for me and my family. Sure, the tough exterior of me armoured-up and put on a brave face. Inside was in torment though. Was in such a shit state of mind around the time, and if there is anyone reading this who had to deal with me at the time, thank you all so much. First time in my life that I had experienced death from someone close to me. Bad times. So, although I've learned to deal with it, I really didn't think I could live without my Grandad. He was a brilliant, funny, cruel to be kind, amazing drinker and all round great guy. And he had amazing taste in music. I miss him very much :)

There's a lot of people in my life that I find it hard to live without. Having so many different set of friends is hard to keep up with sometimes, especially if they live all over the bloody country at Universities. As I've said in a previous post, all the people around me have all had such irrevocable impacts on me, it's remarkable. I really do appreciate all you people so much, yet never get to spend nearly as much time with you all. Not good. So being apart from them for such extended periods of time is hard sometimes. Not to mention living across up to 3 homes at any one time.

I miss so, so many people. All the guys from Uxbridge. Loads of people from Great Marlow. The guys from Tchibo. Everyone from Uni. My Mum, Dad, brothers, grandparents...I miss too many people. If this could be the one thing that everyone of the people I miss reads (which, they all potentially could) I would say how much I love and appreciate every single one of you. You're amazing. Yes you! You there! And you over there! Even you over there, the quiet one in the corner...miss you! :)

I suppose if I had to narrow it it down to missing one very specific person right now....yeah I could do that. Well, she's brilliant. She really is. In the grander scheme of things, I haven't even known her for all that long; but I can't wait to see her again. She really is incredible and fantastic and superb. She's genuine. Honest. Great looking. She just refuses to believe that I think this about her. But she so, so is...aren't you, sweetheart?

You badger, you :)

Half way there guys! :)

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Day Fourteen: A hero who has let you down

Going to be totally honest here: don't really have a definable 'hero' in my life.

Sure, there's famous people I admire like actors, musicians, directors, writers, artists, etc. And of course there are so many people around me in my life that I admire for all being just so brilliant, but no one definable 'hero' character.

Have no idea why this is. I mean, sure, there's very vivid memories of people (both fiction and non-fiction) that I can recall pretty easily from my childhood, but I wouldn't call them heroes as such.

Maybe it's a stubbornness thing. Or headstrong thing. Or an independence thing.

Hmm. Maybe, as opposed to writing nothing about a question I really can't answer properly I should find a better question instead. Yeah. That'll work.

That's all folks!

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Day Thirteen: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times

Van Halen.

Easiest question ever.

Not just through bad times, but good times, dismal times, summer times, night times, lonely times and party times. They're brilliant.

They've been my favourite band for such a long time now, and I worship more or less every note they've ever recorded. Sounds pretty sad, I know, but listening to Van Halen is easily one of, if not THE best thing I can do at any time.

Just listening to the opening chords of Jump or Why Can't This Be Love really restores my faith in humanity so much of the time it's fantastic.

Anybody reading this is more than likely thinking who the hell Van Halen are or thinks they'e stereotypical 1980's over-glamorised generic synth rock. Well they're not. They may have looked it for a while, but Van Halen were pioneers in their prime.

Edward Van Halen is the single greatest guitarist that has ever lived, or indeed, will ever live. Anyone that thinks otherwise is wrong. So very incredibly wrong.

It's not that I listen to ONLY Van Halen all of the time, no. Just take a look though my iTunes and you'll see. I listen to hundreds of artists. But every time I hear Panama or Little Guitars or Cabo Wabo, I can't help but sing along in merriment.

Right. Done.
That'll do blog. That'll do.

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Day Twelve: Something you never get complimented on

Something I never get complimented on? Hmm. Fair few things.

Hardly the most athletic person. Teeth aren't the whitest. Pretty shit with money. I'm a terrible drunk sometimes. Can be the worst friend on Earth. I spend far too much time indoors. I'm very closed minded about far too much. I'm extremely opinionated about far too much. If I know I am definitely right about something you will not win. Ever. I can go from super-arrogant to super-modest in an instant. I tell the truth far too often to be human. I take on far too much emotional baggage it's impossible to deal with sometimes. I help people to that best of my ability and never really expect even so much as a thank you. I refuse to help myself far too much of the time.

Hmm. Think that's about it.

Oh, and I wear far too many Van Halen shirts. Deal with it.

Damn, I just answered 'What are your fatal flaws in life?' Oh well. Pretty much the same thing anyway.


Still, all that and I'm still so great. Amazing, eh? :)

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Day Eleven: Something you get complimented most on

Really? Again, not the greatest of questions is it, really?

Hmm. Let me think about this one...

Okay. I think I have an answer. Now that I think about it, I do get complimented on several things. So, thanks guys :D

I get complemented on my hair a fair bit. Not that I ever put much effort into styling it at all. Sure, I shampoo and condition pretty often, and more often than not a quick swipe through with some hair wax, but that's really all. It's nice that it gets so many compliments. I do like my hair. Good old hair :)

Another thing I get a few compliments is my goatee. Not that it's the worlds best goatee, but y'know...it's just a nice little goatee. It's getting bit scraggy now, so maybe a little trim is in order....

But, I suppose the thing I get complimented most on is...just me. Weird isn't it? People all over tell me just to carry on being me. I guess there's no need to worry myself that anyone around me hates me...I do know I'm loved by you guys. I just fall into the tendencies of irrationally thinking that people don't like me....

So, with that in mind...I might as well, well...carry on being me. After all, there's no one else I can be, is there?

I think that's chunky enough to justify a post for today, don't you?
Always on the move....

Until Day Twelve! :)

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Day Ten: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know

Damn, what the hell is with these depressing questions!? Seriously, it's really not the greatest selection of questions is it? I mean, sure they're in depth and everything, but seriously? Couldn't there be better questions like 'What is your favourite place ever?' or 'How cute is this photo of this tiny little cat?'

Grr....

:O

Well, I suppose I did agree to answer all 30 questions a truthfully as possible. So here goes.

Honestly, I really don't think there is anybody in my life who I need out of it any time soon. You're all brilliantly necessary to what makes me me in one way or another, so thanks :)

Mind you, there are definitely times when I think to myself 'damn, do I really need you in my life?'. But then I remember that at some point in my life I will regret pushing them out of my life. As someone very, very wise once said 'Pain is temporary, quitting is forever'. So, yeah. Remember that people. Don't let people out f your lives unless you definitely need to. Even then you are probably making a huge mistake.....right? Yeah, you heard....do something right and listen to some wise advice for once in your life.

I suppose this question allows me to open the case of who do you think I need to let go of? Answers on a postcard please.

Not that anyone has been reading this anyhow. And if you have you are either:
A. Bored
B. Curious
C. Want to see what the fuck I babble on about
D. Are genuinely interested in who I am and what I think (Ha! Yeah, right...)
E. Just fancied a laugh

Anyway, if you have read this or indeed any of my posts, thank you :)

Crikey, Ten days gone in a flash, just like that. Already a third of the way through this little text-based adventure of me. Cool :)

I've quite enjoyed communicating my thoughts on stuff like this. But, as I said, it's not as if it's the most read thing ever.....it should be, though :D

Anyway, until Day Eleven!

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Day Nine: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted from

Grrr, damn these 'one thing' questions.

Again, there are so many answers to this question.
Unfortunately, there are many people I have drifted from. Mostly because everyone has dissipated and flown the coop to all over the country for university and I just don't see nearly as much of them as I want to. It's not just that they love too far away, it me not putting in as much effort into going all over the place to see them

I need to put more effort into being a better friend, and not just convince myself that I am.

Fail @ humanity

Okay, today wasn't the greatest post. Maybe Day Ten will be marvellous.....but judging by my current track record, it's going to be shite.

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Day Eight: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Hmm. I don't think I can really answer this one. Sure, I mean, there's people who I feel that have really been not good for me...but then again I reacted in turn; like a right cock, basically.

Yeah, really can't elaborate on that any more. Some people have been shit to me. I was shit to them. Lets let it be. Water under the bridge. Bygones being bygones. What's done is done.

To make up for the short post, here is a humorous picture of a kitten:

Day Nine will be better. Trust me :)

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Day Seven: Someone who has made your life worth living

Seriously? Just the one? Jeez, I can think of hundreds of people who make my life worth living. There has been so many people who have made my life incredible, so many memories attached to so much experience across my life so far.

There is really no way that I can narrow it down to one person in particular. You're all brilliant. Even the people who I don't see frequently enough any more. You helped shape me into who I am. Thank you all so much.

There's really no way that I can pinpoint any one specific person that has been particularly life changing. You all have, in one way or another (unless you are reading this and have no idea at all who I am). I consider myself so, so incredibly lucky to have met all the people in my life in the way I have. They've all been exceptionally brilliant. Maybe it's because (on the surface) I'm a reasonably easy-going chap and have a (reasonably) likeable personality that makes me see people in such a great light. I'm not saying I'm the greatest chap on Earth, or the most loved, but I definitely have a lot of people in my life who are just...ace :)

Still, there's bound to be plenty of people out there who absolutely hate my guts (I don't blame them). I think I know a few of them, but I'm yet to find the rest. So if you hate me, please say so. Otherwise I may continue to badger you until you are forced to kill me.

Gah! Wow, how did I get to that? I'm meant to be elaborating on all the amazing people in my life...right....where was I? Ahh, that's right! Barcelona! ARGH, no, wrong bit again!! Damn.

I suppose part of the reason I've so many brilliant people in my life is because I haven't exactly been stationary my entire life. Not that I've been all across the world, or indeed, the country, but...yeah...you get me...

What's that? A list? You want me to make a list of all the amazing people who have been in my life at some point in time? Well, ok, if you insist...

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause for my amazing cast:

(Please note, if you're reading this and you're not on it please don't take offence. It's a big list)
[In some kind of order, but not by greatness]
Dad, Mum, Rob, Lewis, Matthew, Nan Pam, Grandad Mick, Nan Ed, Grandad Jack, Uncle Lee, Uncle Steve, Aunt Helen, Aunt Liuda, Arron, Alex, Becca, Tony, Fordey, Scott, Rob, Steve, Shouty, Zand, Pete, Fee, James, Donny, Mr Khan, Ant, Ben, Lally, Juliet, Liz, Chrisso, Tom, Oli, Richie, Sophie, Dan, Kat, Sean, Alexander, Jackson, Cam, Hannah, Liam, Abi, Mini, Dom, Mr Sacre, Mr Chapman, Mr Hollyman, Miss Jones, Isla, Chelsea, Sarah, Jade, Angry Dave, Rishi, Tank, that bird who used to buy an almond croissant and diet Coke, Weronika, Francesca, Xiao, Jordeen, Nick, Patrycja, Sergei, Sham, Jasmin, Billie, that bloke from Game I used to talk to a lot, all of the Treaty lot, Jess, Vikki, Mel, Jo, Blaauw, Ruth, Andy, AJ, Gonegen, Joe Black, Holly, Liz, Joycey, Ian, Patsy, Siobhan, Jamie, Charlotte, Tory, H, Amy, Amy, Lei, Dan, Jocasta, Kat, Richard, Paul, Rob, Bosio, Grandad, Ben, Adam, Jedward, Greg, Martin, Ric, Grace, Roz, Roseanna, Jersey, Bill, Kate, Michelle, Chloe, Darren, Boz, Catherine and gahh there's too many to list. I think I manage to get my point across.

You're all brilliant. All the people on that list have affected my life in one way or another. Thanks all so much :)

Right. Onto day 8. :)

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Day Six: Something you hope to never have to do in you life

Again, I could list many things that I hope I never have to do in my lifetime.

But I think I can whittle it down to one pretty quickly.

I never want to have to see someone die. I never want to have to see one of the people I love, or indeed, anyone die in front of my eyes. Or in my arms. Or next to me. You get the gist.

I know that one day, that I may have to face it one day, I just really don't think I will be emotionally ready for it. Ever.

Day Seven ahoy!!

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Day Five: Something you hope to do in your life

Blimey. Could write for this one for hours filling it with incessant things that I hope to achieve at various points in my life.

I suppose the one thing that I've always desired most in my life...and this is probably going to sound very weird...is a family of my own. A brilliant, beautiful, happy family.

Lame isn't it? I'm 20 and the thing I more or less want more than anything is a family of my own. I guess at this age I should be desiring hundreds of beautiful women, fast cars, super computers and an unlimited bank account (not that I don't desire these things at all, just the whole family deal tops it).

Maybe it's a dependency thing that I need people around me to rely on me and vice-versa or a love thing or a loneliness thing...I don't really know. All I know is that in the future, however close or far that may be, I want a family to love and to care for and who will love and care for me.

Not that I want to fall head over heels in love with the first girl I meet and stay with her for eternity, but I really crave the stability of a family. I'm not suggesting now. Or, indeed within the next 10 years, no, no, no, no, no. It's the idea of stability. I mean, my family life hasn't been the most stable ever, not that it isn't brilliant, I mean, I have the kindest, most loving, understanding, amicable and brilliant parents and grandparents in the cosmos. It's just that I've been to and fro. A few times. Yeah. Long story. Hmm. Well, it made me. I wouldn't be the writer you are reading now if it wasn't for all that to and fro (indeed, if there even is anybody reading this).

And the kids. I can't wait to have kids. They're going to have the best parents in the universe, I can promise that now :)

I think that's about it for today.
Uhh...yeah. And just like that, we're on day six.
Good times :)

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Day Four: Something you have to forgive someone for

Ooooh, tough one. Again, rolling with the 'never change a thing' theory. Hmmm.

Really cannot think of anything as of yet. Will update this if I do.....

Right. 8 hours later and I think I've got it.

A few years ago I was damn opposed against social network sights such as Facebook, Twitter, Bebo etc. And basically, my friends conspired against me and they set my Facebook account for me. Bastards. Obviously, looking back on it, I would have eventually joined Facebook anyway (I mean, nowadays Facebook is basically compulsory) but I guess at the time I was a bit pissed off with it. Still, Facebook and Twitter (and I guess, this) have sapped up, literally, HUNDREDS of hours of my life that I will never get back. A life well wasted(ish) :)

Blimey. Day Five on the horizon already.

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Day Three: Something you have to forgive yourself for

Ooooh, tough one, this. You see, I lean towards the idea that everything I have ever said or done has led up to me being me as I am right now at this point in time. And we wouldn't want to change that now, would we?

I guess if there is one thing I should have to forgive myself for is a lot of my past. I wasn't the greatest kid when I grew up and the teenage years were just as bad, and I can honestly remember putting my parents through hell. It must have really had such a bad impact on the whole family. When I think about it, I feel so terrible that I was such a tearaway. So, I suppose that is something I will have to forgive myself for, even if only for this blog.

So, sorry family. Sorry, Me.

Oh, and. And. Sometimes I am a completely shit friend. Really shit. I just end up trapping myself in my own head with a billion delusional thoughts floating around which, inevitably, end up being false anyway. It's a shit habit of mine and it's devastating for friendships (this isn't something that I need to forgive myself for, it's something I need to work on. Just thought I'd add it to the already quite depressing undertone of this post)

Ha, so much for beefing up a blog, yeah? Fail
Anyway. Day four next. Lovely

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Day Two: Something you love about yourself.

Ok. Right. Day two. Bit more cheery today. 'Something you love about yourself'. Much better. I think. Can't think of anything in particular. Well, there has to be something. Will have to get back to me on this one....

[20 minutes later]

Well. I suppose I am quite genuine. And honest (most of the time, anyway). I can be quite funny. And I'm a bit of a genius. I also find I can see pure, evocative beauty in so much. I look at people, plants, fabrics, machines, the sky, bugs and creatures and just think; wow. Evolution has created such a vastly intricate world and it is so, so beautiful. I like to think I stop and appreciate it pretty often, and I hope that if your reading this (please, someone?!) that you will too.

I guess, without trying to sound disingenuous or completely arrogant, I'm a pretty great guy. Compared to the bulk of the generation I was born in, I really think I consider myself part of the cream of the crop. Well, if you know me, if you REALLY know me you'll know what I'm talking about. Well, I hope you do anyway.

In short, I'm completely arrogant. Unconventionally brilliant. Decidedly indecipherable. Unequivocally unique. And magnificent. Don't forget magnificent.

Hasn't been a very long post today, has it? Hmm. Will try and bulk it up in future. I have to at least try to entertain the few people who will read this.... :D

See you on day three :)

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[EDIT](added at 22.56)
[Received a text containing this...thought I may as well add it in :) ]
So, something you like about yourself....I think you missed out how you are the most genuine and caring person around in this awful society today. Every day we have our beautiful ramblings and they always make me feel so happy. You are so perfect at everything and I love single every single thing about you. You're such a star, John.

[Thank you, sweetheart]

:)

Day One: Something you hate about yourself

Right. Here we are. Blogs. Hmm. My first ever in fact. Never been inclined to write one before. Never had the time. Or the patience. But, now seeing as I have a whole lotta time on my hands right now, I have decided to indulge in the 30-day blog challenge. Well, I say indulge. You'll be the one indulging so to speak. Feeding off the constantly infinite stream of ideas and words that seem to spew from my brain to be strung together by my tongue (or in this case my fingers)

Right. So. 30 days. 30 questions. 30 little insights into this magnificent mind of mine. Chin up, it won't be that bad.....

Brace yourself interwebs, you're about to get an unhealthy dose of vitamin J.....

Something I hate about myself. Hmmm. Not the most cheerful way to begin a month-long slog of writing, is it? Nonetheless, I said I would do this. So here goes. Anytime now...

I'd say the one thing I hate about myself more than anything (even over the fact that my facial hair grows erroneously or how my hair gets little girly quifs in it sometimes) is my total inability to help myself out of emotional ditches sometimes (I told to brace yourselves). I try my complete and absolute hardest to make sure the people around me are at their most fantastic- a feat I really feel I have achieved. But in doing this I really feel that I fail to keep myself at my most fantastic far too much. I know I'm only human (just about) and that it's impossible to be as brilliant as I can be all the time. It's a terrible feature written into my biology that fucks me off far too much of the time. It just seems that I retreat into my shell far too often while I'm alone (which is, again, far too much of my time right now) and manage to delude myself into thinking that the whole universe is out to get me, which it's not (right?). It's such a chink in my emotional armour sometimes and I'm rather fed up of it. Damn me and my irrational tendencies....

Anyway. Day one. Done. Stick around, won't ya? :)

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